Monday, January 9, 2012

The Heroine Series: Wonder Woman 1

I'm excited to start a new, recurring feature on this site: The Heroine Series! You're probably like "girrrl, whatcha talkin' 'bout?" (or maybe not). As you may or may not know, I looove comics, anime, and video games, as well as grappling (judo, brazilian jiu jitsu). And it has bothered me my entire 27-year-old life that people put lady fighters in outfits like this:
I hope you like people seeing your vagina.

OK, seriously? That dress had best be held up by the power of the gods or Sophitia will be fighting naked. At least her shoes will still be on.

And while those are a couple of the many, MANY worst offenders, I am still very, VERY bothered by outfits like this:
Can someone tell me how this girl walks for miles on end, let alone BASES her legs for fighting enemies? Aeris's dress would have to be unbuttoned up to her crotch for her to be able to use her legs while fighting.

While most of the outfits are reasonable, this cat better be magical if she's acrobatic for hours in those heels. I mean, at best, a lady can run in heels for hours, not scale walls. Kitty, go get some sensible shoes! How are you outrunning Batman in that sheit?!

Now let's glance at their male counterparts:
Why doesn't Batman wear heels? Probably because he's a genius.

These guys look a bit more outfitted for some serious fighting. OK, maybe except the last guy. Someone needs to tell Zangief that isn't a real wrestling outfit.

Anyway, I digress. The Heroine Series will feature functional, yet stylish, outfits inspired by our favorite saving-the-day-and/or-night ladies. It CAN be done!

Today's outfit is inspired by (note, I said inspired by, not a recreation of) Wonder Woman's:
Can I get a little sparkle up in the hiz-ouse

Her outfit is actually fairly functional, except the straplessness of her bodysuit (and sometimes her boots have heels). I love the functionality and stylishness of her bodysuit, and her gold belt.

So, here's what I came up with:

I'm wearing a Motel bodysuit over shorts, Converse shoes, a Free People sheer skirt, and a Mettle Fair Trade gold belt. I'm wearing the bodysuit over shorts because, while I am not averse to panty flashing, I am averse to va-jay-jay flashing. Maybe Wonder Woman has a magical bodysuit that doesn't flash her goodies, but my bodysuit, which *unfortunately* is bound by the laws of physics, needs to be paired with shorts to keep my private areas... well, private.

This outfit allows for fantastic range of motion. I need to disclaim the following pictures: I am not versed in striking martial arts like taekwondo or wushu. Just the grappling martial arts judo and Brazilian jiu jitsu. So please excuse my sucky kicking.

Bam! There goes your face! Maybe.

Harai goshi practice. Hey, no laughing in judo.

Look ma, no flashing! Other important functional details are I can sweat as much as I want without ruining my outfit AND do a fair bit of traveling in my flat, comfy shoes.

If you're wondering about my belt, the answer is yes, it is freaking awesome. So awesome that it'll be featured in probably many other outfit posts, so I'll talk about it in more detail another day.

Really, it's a glammed-up version of what women actually wear in Olympic wrestling (as opposed to fake WWE wrestling):
Wrestling, Women's Freestyle 55kg match, Beijing 2008, credit

Obviously, the last thing these ladies want to worry about is a boob pop or a crotch flash, and what they're wearing has proved to be pretty damn functional.

The only advice I'd offer would-be heroines who want to adapt this outfit as their own is to cut the skirt a bit shorter. I had to hold the skirt up while walking up stairs. I'm sure that won't be a problem - in the heroine world, shorter doesn't seem to ever be a problem!

So, there you have it! Wonder Woman, don't go cribbin my look. Or do. Whatevs. That was a lot for one post, so I'll leave it at that.

Don't mess.

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